I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Randomize
