Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
