I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Randomize
