Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
