***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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