That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
