JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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