She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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