I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
