My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
They have beer where we have blood.
Sorry about my life...
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
