is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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