the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
