i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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