Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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