I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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