Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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