I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
