Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
