everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
