the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
