Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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