last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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