The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
