I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
