She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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