Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
