he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Dignity is for republicans.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
