i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Randomize
