They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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