Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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