and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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