I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
