i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
