she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
