so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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