we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
