hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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