Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
the day after is always just damage control
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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