I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
