it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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