I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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