I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
