i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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