I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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