there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
