Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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