That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Everything about him screamed your future.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
The power of my boobs compel you
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
