my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
