What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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