so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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