Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
