As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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